I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
