I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize