I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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