why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
