no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
What a dumb baby whore.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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