Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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