I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
