I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
