I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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