Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
