But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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