My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
