I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
