i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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