Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
