ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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