Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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