Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
