Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
