My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
