girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize