now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She's the barista slut.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
