So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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