please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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