wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
