Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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