well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
