As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I checked into jail on foursquare
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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