i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
