I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
