you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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