Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
