I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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