cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
