We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
