Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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