worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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