Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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