Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
