His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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