And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
