1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
