Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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