Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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