It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
