White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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