My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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