dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize