Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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