i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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