Don't you send me to vm
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
