You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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