I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
