I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
