Who wears a wallet chain?!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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