drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
