I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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