college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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