and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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