no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
