I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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