I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
