it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
