1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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