I bet he comes in French.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
