Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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