Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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