But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
