After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
