"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
