I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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