I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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