literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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