I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
