Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
