well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
